After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
