Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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