just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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