I'm eating all of the evidence.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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