but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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