he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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