she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
