Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
