I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
