the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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