I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
