oh god the rape fog is back!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
