so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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