Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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