She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
