I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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