Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
