Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
