I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
