Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
