haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
