after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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