If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Enjoy the penises
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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