we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
