How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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