just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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