So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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