Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
