hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
