Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
