WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
