update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
