You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
