lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
