Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
