I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
