everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
