By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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