I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
