I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
