Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
