Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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