I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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