Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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