Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
