Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
