he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
