He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
