He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
