I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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