I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
