People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
