you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
