I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
