Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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