I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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